Don’t be the screen time “bad guy”

Managing your child’s screen time can often feel like navigating a minefield. As a parent, you want to ensure your child benefits from technology without becoming overly dependent on it. It’s important to set up rules and guidelines without becoming the “bad guy” that is seen as the arbitrary enforcer of screen time rules. Here are some strategies that can help you manage your child’s iPhone use while maintaining a positive and understanding relationship.

1. Have a regular dialogue

   Try to maintain an open dialog with your child about screen time. Too often our conversations are limited to the “I need more time” conflict which puts you on the back foot. When you set up rules and guidelines, make sure you explain what you’re doing and why. Review your child’s screen time data together, talk about both the good and bad things you both see. You want to avoid feeling like you’re “spying” on your kids when you think they are doing something wrong. Consistently reviewing their screen time use together makes it clear that you care about them and want them to succeed rather than trying to catch them doing something wrong.

2. Tap into your child’s natural skepticism of adults

   Tweens and teens often exhibit a natural skepticism towards adults, which often includes their parents. Use this tendency as a teaching moment to encourage skepticism towards technology as well. Start a conversation with your child about why they choose to use specific apps. For instance, they use Snapchat to stay connected with friends. This opens up an opportunity to discuss how apps are designed to take advantage of our brains to encourage constant engagement. Most apps make more money the more time you spend in them, so they are designed to keep you there as long as possible well beyond your original intended use (keeping in touch with your friends). Encourage your child to think critically about the purposes these apps serve and the potential impacts on their time and privacy. This can help them make more informed decisions about their app usage.

3. Make sure that their iPhone is set up correctly

   It’s important to set up your child for success. Make sure that their iPhone is set up correctly and have a conversation with them about what you did and why. Swelp walks you through this process step by step in our app.

4. Lead by example

   Try to have screen time rules that apply to the whole family, not just your kids. Parent technology use can interrupt quality time between children and caregivers. Set up tech-free zones for the whole family such as the dinner table or the bedroom. When you set up app limits for your child, show them that you are setting up similar limits for your own use. During one of your regular discussions of your child’s screen time use, pull up your own data and try to have a similar conversation. Ask your kids to let you know when they think you are too absorbed in your smartphone.

5. Trust but verify

   Creating a sense of distrust is a quick path to being viewed as the "bad guy." It's important to maintain a balance between trust and oversight. Let your child understand that while you trust them, the phone is not a completely private space. Make it clear that you will have access to the passcode and might occasionally review their texts. However, ensure this monitoring is done transparently rather than secretly checking their phone. Tools like Swelp can help by regularly providing you with insights into your child's screen time, highlighting areas that you can use in one of your regular conversations. This method encourages responsible use without undermining trust.

6. Praise responsible use

   Acknowledge your child's adherence to screen time rules. Ask them about the interesting activities they're using their phone for and show genuine interest in these pursuits. As a reward for their responsible use, consider granting them additional privileges, such as access to a new app they have been eager to try. This strategy helps foster independent and mindful technology use, encouraging them to maintain good habits as they grow.

Conclusion

Managing your child's iPhone screen time doesn't have to position you as the antagonist. Engaging in open dialogue, utilizing their natural skepticism, setting up their device with clear intentions, leading by example, and maintaining a transparent oversight system, you can foster a healthy digital environment. These strategies are designed to build understanding and respect, helping your child grasp the importance of balanced screen use. This helps them build strong habits, preparing them to navigate their digital worlds independently.